Does asking someone about suicide put the idea in their head?

No. A 2014 review of 13 studies in Psychological Medicine found no significant increase in suicidal thoughts when people were asked about them, and talking about suicide may even reduce those thoughts. NIMH and the 988 Lifeline both recommend asking directly.

What exactly should I say?

Use the word itself: "Are you thinking about suicide?" or "Are you thinking about killing yourself?" Saying it plainly shows you can handle the answer. Avoid hinted versions like "You're not going to do anything stupid, are you?", which make it harder to say yes.

What do I do if they say yes?

Stay calm and stay with them, and thank them for telling you. Listen without judging, ask whether they have a plan, and help them contact 988 by call, text or chat. If they are in immediate danger or have hurt themselves, call 911.

What if they make me promise not to tell anyone?

Don't promise to keep thoughts of suicide a secret. You can say, "I care about you too much to keep this to myself." Getting them help matters more than keeping a secret, even if they are upset with you for a while.

Can I call 988 if I'm worried about someone else?

Yes. The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline helps people who are worried about someone else, not only people in crisis themselves. A counselor can talk through what you're seeing and what to do next.

Are some warning signs more serious than others?

Talking about wanting to die, making a plan, or saying goodbye and giving things away call for immediate action. NIMH advises getting help as soon as possible, especially when a behavior is new or has increased recently. When in doubt, call or text 988.

What happens after the crisis passes?

Keep in touch. Following up with calls, texts or visits in the days and weeks after a crisis is one of the five evidence-based steps. Help them keep appointments and remind them you're still there.

Warning signs of suicide and how to ask someone directly

If someone is in immediate danger, call 911. If you or someone you know is thinking about suicide, call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org. Every crisis line is on Get help now.

Many people who are thinking about suicide show some signs, and the people around them are often the first to notice. You don’t need to be a counselor to help. You need to know what to look for, be willing to ask a direct question, and know where to turn. Jordan Snook, who started this site, lost friends to suicide. He believed that talking openly is how we protect each other. This guide is written in that spirit.

What are the warning signs of suicide?

The National Institute of Mental Health lists these as signs that someone may be thinking about suicide.

Talking about:

Wanting to die
Great guilt or shame
Being a burden to others

Feeling:

Empty, hopeless, trapped, or having no reason to live
Extremely sad, more anxious, agitated, or full of rage
Unbearable emotional or physical pain

Changing behavior, such as:

Making a plan or looking into ways to die
Withdrawing from friends, saying goodbye, giving away important items, or making a will
Taking dangerous risks, such as driving extremely fast
Extreme mood swings
Eating or sleeping more or less
Using drugs or alcohol more often

NIMH advises getting help as soon as possible if you notice these signs, especially if the behavior is new or has increased recently. No single sign tells the whole story, and suicide is never caused by one thing. But any of these is a reason to reach out today.

Should I ask someone if they’re thinking about suicide?

Yes. This is the most important thing to know. Many people are afraid that asking will “put the idea in their head.” It doesn’t.

A 2014 review in the journal Psychological Medicine looked at 13 studies and found that none showed a significant increase in suicidal thoughts among people who were asked about them. The authors wrote that acknowledging and talking about suicide “may in fact reduce, rather than increase suicidal ideation.” NIMH says the same: asking people if they are suicidal does not increase suicidal behavior or thoughts.

Asking directly tells the person three things: you noticed, you care, and you can handle the truth. That can be a huge relief to someone who has been carrying this alone.

How do I ask someone if they are suicidal?

Find a private moment. Say what you’ve noticed, then ask plainly:

“You’ve said a few times that everyone would be better off without you. Are you thinking about suicide?”
“I’ve noticed you giving some of your things away, and I’m worried. Are you thinking about killing yourself?”

Use the actual words. The 988 Lifeline encourages people to “be direct” and talk “openly and matter-of-factly about suicide.” Hinted versions, like “You’re not thinking of doing anything stupid, are you?”, make it harder for someone to tell the truth.

Then listen. Don’t argue, lecture, or tell them how much they have to live for. Don’t act shocked. Thank them for being honest.

What are the #BeThe1To steps?

The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline’s #BeThe1To campaign, also shared by NIMH, describes five evidence-based action steps:

Ask. Ask directly whether they are thinking about suicide, and listen closely to the answer.
Be there. Be with them in person or on the phone. Listen without judging. If you promise to do something, follow through.
Help keep them safe. Ask whether they have a plan. If they do, or if you think they’re in danger, don’t leave them alone. Help put time and distance between them and anything they could use to hurt themselves, and get help right away.
Help them connect. Help them call or text 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org, and connect with a counselor, doctor, school counselor, pastor or other trusted person. A safety plan, made with a professional, can help.
Follow up. After the crisis, keep in touch with calls, texts and visits. It shows you’re still there.

What do I do if someone is in immediate danger?

If someone has hurt themselves, or you believe they’re about to, call 911. Stay with them until help arrives, if it’s safe for you to do so. If you’re not sure how serious it is, call or text 988. The Lifeline also helps people who are worried about someone else, and a counselor can help you decide what to do.

Other options, all on Get help now:

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org, 24/7
Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741741, 24/7
Veterans Crisis Line: dial 988, then press 1

What if I’m the one having these thoughts?

If you’ve been thinking about suicide, please tell someone today. You can call or text 988 right now. You don’t need the right words. “I’m not okay and I need to talk” is enough. Thoughts of suicide can feel permanent, but they can and do change with support and treatment. Many people who have felt this way have found their way through. You deserve that chance too. You can also read about depression and anxiety, which often sit underneath these thoughts and are treatable.

Warning signs of suicide and how to ask someone directly

The short answer

Key points